Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
