just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I fill condoms, not promises.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
