roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
