Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
