ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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