So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
