I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Small penises have feelings too.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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