Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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