i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
