no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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