For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
