I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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