I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
