Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
