I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Drunk is a universal language darling
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
