Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
