there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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