I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I look better un-naked...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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