My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
