For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
