Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
