were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
