I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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