Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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