You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
