i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
