I would go down on you faster than GM stock
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
