At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
