if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
