We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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