From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
