There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
