I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
