I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
