the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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