hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
