Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
