Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
