he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
