Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
