my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
vagina is talking i cant
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
