My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
