my mouth tastes like poor choices
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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