Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
