apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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