Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
