i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
