hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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