I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
