And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
