maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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